to be a main character
forgetting about others for a totally stress-free existence
This essay was inspired by this amazing piece on Main Character Syndrome by Anna Gotlib. In it she explores the roots of MCS and its impact on our inability to connect with and love each other. A must-read philosophical take on the growth of hyper-individualistic behaviour.
Sometimes I envy people with Main Character Syndrome.
Logically I know their behaviour is problematic and indicative of a broader societal problem. Systemic individuality, diminishing sense of community, heartbreaking loneliness. Main Characters treat the rest of us like NPCs in a video game. We are nothing but supporting actors and background extras in the blockbuster movie of their life. The world is their stage and nothing matters except their own story. They may suffer from pathological behaviours but I envy their carefree nature. They go through life without a care for others, and I, on the other hand, care perhaps a little too much.
I care if my bag takes up too much space on the metro. I rush across the street if a car lets me pass at an intersection. I get anxious if I don’t pay fast enough at the register. If there are NPCs surely I am one of them. Some call it people-pleasing. I call it a debilitating mix of empathy and overthinking. I don’t want people to like me; I want people to be comfortable. Maybe I don’t want to be a burden, or an inconvenience. I think and think about all the ways my presence could negatively affect the strangers around me. It’s exhausting. I am the NPC who never deviates from their path while the main character goes wherever they please without a care for the damage they wreck along the way. How freeing that must be. How fun.