just let me sleep

in defense of rest

i love to sleep. every day i cannot wait to get back to my bed. every morning i wake up comfier than i’ve ever felt. when i hear podcast bros screaming into their microphones that they wake up at 4am in the name of productivity, i laugh. idiots. sleep is comfort, sleep is peace, sleep is privilege. sleep is precious.

there is so much resentment towards sleep. we have this collective conviction of the superiority of wakefulness to the point that sleeping is considered a weakness. “i only sleep five hours a night” “i really don’t need much sleep to function” “you sleep for 8 hours?!” boasts and insults and delusions. because sleep is a flaw. sleep is odd and unnatural. at least, it is for a capitalist-driven mind.

the nightmare by henry fuseli

at my last job, i had to be in the office by 7am. it meant waking up at 5:30, which meant going to bed at 9pm if i wanted a decent night’s rest. except i had a hard time falling asleep at 9pm, so i’d lie there, anxious about not sleeping, which made it even harder to sleep (as it always goes). i was exhausted for months. i made mistakes at work, i felt like i was walking through fog, got more and more resentful. and for what? so i could prove i was dedicated? so i could be “productive”? it was a miserable time, and i wasn’t even getting more done.

productivity and time-management are not new concepts. ever since clocks have been available everywhere, people have been obsessed with keeping track of time. sleep hasn’t escaped the wrath of regulated time. we’ve all seen the clips of random men claiming they can fit 4 days’ worth of work into one somehow (it involves mathematics that only make sense in their special universe). spending even one minute not working is a missed opportunity for personal gain. if you’re not ten years ahead of everyone on the timeline, you’re actually a pathetic loser and that’s why you’re broke and single and still renting, and also why your dog died probably.

sleep is the ultimate waste of time. if you’re sleeping, you can’t work, you can’t have a second job, a side hustle, you can’t build a business. you can’t even go to the gym, do your skincare, meal prep for the week. all these things are demanded of us, so really, when can we sleep? we’re caught between wanting to take care of ourselves and just wanting to rest. a forty-minute skincare routine, meal prep, stretching, journaling. all these acts of self-care somehow become obstacles to the most fundamental form of actual self-care: sleeping. the ability to just go to sleep when you’re tired, without a complicated routine standing between you and rest, feels like a luxury most of us can’t afford.

lack of sleep should never be a flex. it’s the saddest thing, actually. it drains you on a physical, emotional, psychological level. sleep deprivation is a literal form of torture. it’s the stuff of nightmares, of warzones. “only sleep four hours, that’s how you get ahead.” pathetic. you literally don’t have to do this for fun. people who have to sacrifice sleep to survive are not laughing.

when we don’t sleep, we’re not just tired. we’re literally breaking down. our bodies need those hours to repair, to process our day and our emotions, to reset. lack of sleep affects our decision-making, our memory, our immune system, our mental health. ironically we become worse at everything we’re trying to optimize ourselves for. you can drink all the coffee you want, take all the supplements, follow all the morning routines. but if you’re not sleeping and resting properly, you’re running on fumes. and eventually, you’ll crash.

some people genuinely do function on less sleep. men need 7-8 hours, women closer to 9. there are legitimate times when sacrificing sleep makes sense: new parents don’t have a choice, people working multiple jobs to survive aren’t doing it for the aesthetic, or to pretend they’re superior to the rest of us peasants. but there’s a difference between people who have to sacrifice sleep and people who choose to as a weird flex. the hustle culture bros aren’t struggling to make ends meet. they’re performing deprivation like it’s a virtue.

so i will sleep. even when i get up at 9am at my parents’ house and i’m met with a “good afternoon!” i’ll sleep 9 or 10 hours even when it gets me a tirade about how that’s just too much. i will enjoy a good night’s sleep whenever i can, just because i can. i will even risk a few pimples to get to bed earlier because clear skin is not worth depriving myself of much needed rest.

i love to sleep. i love to dream. i love to chill in my bed. i’m thankful every single night that i get under the covers and i get to wake up all comfy and warm in the morning. restful sleep is a precious gift that not everyone can enjoy. we shouldn’t throw it away so easily because some internet gurus tell us that sleeping is the reason we’re not millionaires. get a good night’s sleep and tell me you’re not more focused, more creative, more human the next day.

good night <3

fin.

bree beauregard

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